'The adventure of Kiara' a possible new story?

Heres a little pilot story, If this gets good enough feedback I'll create more. This will have some screenshots if you would like to see them, which is basically showing off my latest project a little.

A small fog-like ball appeared in the town hall and then rapidly dissipated. The confused villagers entered the town hall. the smoke cleared the room, revealing a young woman, possibly in her late teens or early twenties, in a fine set of shiny white iron armour only the richest of people could afford, along side an awe-inspiring steel sword which sparkled from any light it came into contact with.

"What's going on here?" Bellowed the chief guard, with the same type of armour and a similar but not so fancy iron broadsword, he barged past the astonished villagers and put his fear-inspiring sword agianst the womans neck, but she countered his move so quickly, the warrior nad not yet blinked once. He pressed his sword harder into her neck in fear, but not hard enough to cut her. "Who are you? And why are you here?"
"I know my mission, I know my name, but I do not know this place. Stand down and I'll find out where I am without blood being spilled."
He nodded to four warriors to back down and then himself backed away. "Thank you." she said calmly. "I will allow you to know my name is Kiara, that is all."
"I am Jason, the chief guard of this town."

The two warriors had finished talking, and the villagers had went home. "I'll escort you to the nearest inn." He announced. The pair walked outside when a gust of wind plagued the town, with a small collection of dark fog with it. The fog then collected into a human like shape with glowing white eyes. "Heed my warnings, agent of the blade! I know your mission, and I will make sure you fail, leave this place, this world, and you will be spared... this time." A cold rush of adrenaline rushed through Jason, he tightened his grip on his sword. "Your fear me, feeble human. You and your... town will never have to encounter me again, so long as you bring that woman to my realm, the nether. But bring me her alive, she has done many things to my people, things I hope you will never experience."
"This being lies, he will do anything to get what he wants! He wants nothing other than to bring his armies into this world and kill all that live here!"
"Silence! Bring her to me, and you may see bear witness to her trial. I will be expecting you, human." The black figure closed it's eyes and then faded away into the wind.

"Tell me right now or your head will hit the ground right now. Who or what was that thing?!" Exclaimed Jason.
"His name is Herobrine. Everything you fear and worse things put into one. He has no civilisation, he just controls hoard of unspeakable creatures, and they are preparing to invade this world." Exclaimed Kiara. (The protagonist Kiara talks with an English accent and pronounces it like Herobrin) Show me to where I'm sleeping then go home and get some rest, I'll meet you at this building tomorrow for this tour, Jason." She said with a sigh.

**End of pilot story**

I hope you enjoyed reading this, the screenshots should be down below.